The Striped Lizard Tongue
by Ema4eva
Summary: Alphonse Elric goes on an adventure to find the striped lizard tongue for a "friend". This is crossover of D. Gray-man, Soul Eater, and Fullmetal Alchemist. Ehh yeah... It's completely random. Oh yeah, one more thing: HAMMER LOVE!


_**THIS IS A COMBINATION OF FMA SOUL EATER AND D. GRAY-MAN**_

_**It's supposed to be random and stupid and pointless and I never went back to edit it. And it's not descriptive. This is all on purpose. Have fun, and remember not to eat everything. BTW I SPELLED TONGUE WRONG ON THE WHOLE THING SO WHATEVER. I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK I SUCK AT SPELLING.**_

Once, Black Star was eating a bagel. It wasn't very yummy. He was bored so he went outside and found a screaming lizard. Little did he know, lizards can talk. "Where is my tounge?" it asked "I don't know, and I don't care." Black Star said. He then squashed the lizard and walked away. Alphonse saw this and wasn't very happy because he likes lizards without tounges. He asked the squished lizard if there was anything he could do, and what it told him was, "Yes. I want my tounge back. Go find it please. I don't want it to be lost, or my buff family will be mad at me." Alphonse was sympathetic, so he researched tounges and found a picture of a witch who liked collecting lizard tounges. He found out her name was Medusa. Edward found out what he was doing and thought it was stupid, so he shunned his brother and got everyone to hate him (except kitties). Poor Alphonse traveled to Death City by taking a rocket ship. He accidentally crashed it into the DWMA and everyone got mad except one person named Maka. "It's okay," she told him. "Stupid people do stupid things. And basically everyone on this earth is stupid. Here, accept this." Maka held out a rainbow hamster. Alphonse gladly took it. "Thank you!" he cried. Al turned quickly back into his human form, ate the hamster, and then turned back into armor. "Mmm." Maka thought this was funny. She laughed so hard that her spleen exploded. "MAKA!" Alphonse cried (again). "My dear Alphonse, listen to my dying wish," Maka gasped on the floor coughing up blood. People walking by thought this was awesome 'cus they thought they were watching a cool tv show being made. "Al, I want you to take this." Maka held out another rainbow hamster. "Save that for later. It will show you the answer to your lizard problem thing that I somehow know about." Just then, Lavi (-Man) saw what was happening. He pulled his hammer out and smashed Maka's face. "DIE AKUMA!" he screamed. He put away his hammer and walked off whistling happily. Before Lavi could really leave, Marie jumped out from nowhere and tackled him with a hug. "HAMMER LOVE!" she screamed. They immediately married. 5 minutes later, they had a whole family of hammer babies. There names were, DAVE, STEVE, and Excalibur. Meanwhile, Alphonse was crying because he last friend's face was just smashed. He transformed into human form and was about to eat the second rainbow hamster when he remembered that Maka told him to save it for later. He put it in the pocked of his pants that suddenly appeared on him. Crona saw Al crying over Maka and joined him. They instantly became best friends because they were both depressed. "Hello?" A boy with white hair said, walking over to the two. He had a funny red marking over one of his eyes and a creepy red arm. "I'm looking for some red haired dude named Lavi. He has a giant hammer. Do you know where he is?" Al glared at Al(len) and yelled, "HE KILLED MY FRIEND!" Crona heard this and they stared at each other for a few seconds. They nodded to each other. Creepy and worrisome smiles crept on their faces and they walked towards Allen. Then they ate him (with salt and ketsup). Out of nowhere, Lenalee saw what happened and hopped over to them with her magical boots of awesomeness. "YOU ATE ALLEN!" she screamed. Just then, Roy Mustang walked over to Lenalee and set her on fire. "I never really like D. Gray-man," he muttered. "Oh, by the way Al, some dead person told me to tell you that you dropped your pocket." Alphonse looked down and saw his pocket on the ground and picked it up. "Don't forget to check inside it," Mustang added. "I have to go now. Bye!" Out of nowhere, a unicorn appeared and Roy jumped on it. "Giddy up!" he commanded and together, they flew off into the sky. The last thing they heard from him was him singing a song about mini skirts. Crona and Al looked at each other and shrugged. Al looked in his pocket. He saw the rainbow hamster having a seizure, so he took it out and gave it CPR. It lived. It then got up and a top hat grew out of its head and it began to dance. "Thank you for saving me!" it exclaimed. "Now about that tounge you're looking for. You know who has it, right?" "Medusa has it!" Al said. Crona perked up at the name and began to scream. Her head began to spin (literally). Al just slapped her and she stopped. "Go to Central in FMA land and you'll find her. She's actually a witch humunculis. Use me to teleport to her." Al picked up the hamster and plopped it in his mouth. "Grab onto my arm!" he told Crona. She did, and then they began to turn in circles. They appeared in Central where they saw Mustang again, just arriving from his magical unicorn ride. "You beat me here!" he exploded. "NOOO!" Then he literally did explode. Riza found out and died of sadness. Hughes came back to life and went to their funerals and cried. Hughes told Al something… "I was the one who told Roy to tell you that you dropped your pocket," he said. Then he turned into pixie dust. "Bye!" Al said laughing. Then he cried 'cus he realized that meant Hughes died. "W-where is Medusa?" Crona asked, quivering. Al realized that that had been the first time Crona said anything. "Woah! You're a girl?" Crona blushed. Al blushed. *play love music here* "Looking for MEEE?" a voice cackled. Alphonse and Crona looked over and saw none other than… A BAGEL. It was under Medusa's foot. "A BAGEL?" they both exclaimed. "Oh, hi Medusa," Crona said. Ragnarok suddenly came out of her back and un-attached himself from Crona. He turned into a bunny and ate Medusa. Medusa screamed and died. She turned to dust like most homunculi, and for some reason, it turned into a tounge. It was striped. Next to it was a blue tounge. Al picked them both up and went home with Crona. They found the squashed lizard. "So which tounge is yours?" Alphonse asked it. "The blue tounge!" "LIAR! I asked your family what color your tounge was and they said striped!" Al got mad and picked up the lizard and ate it. Crona and Al had children and they named them Stripe and Blue. One day Al went crazy and turned into Gluttony. "No wonder I eat everything!" he said. Crona got sad and killed herself, which made Al/Gluttony got sad and he killed himself. Ed and Winry went to their funerals and were laughing 'cus they still thought the whole lizard quest was stupid. The End.

**Moral of the story:**If you eat everything you see, you will turn into Gluttony.


End file.
